‘Honesty is the best policy’

When direct communication is absent, there is room for manipulation (difference in power dynamics) in a relationship. Whether that is through parent-child relationship, romantic relationship, friendship, or a simple interaction with another human being. The reasoning behind lack of direct communication is on the scale of: FEAR vs POWER.

Fear involves assuming what the other human being will say or how they will react before ever communicating. All assumptions aside, if we move away from fear of man and more towards a curiosity stance, then there is possibility for reconciliation.

On the latter side, if there is more of a power stance of communication, then there is no room for humility and empathy towards the other. It involves more of thinking you are better than the other, know more than the other, and belief in retaliation. There is this power of dynamic that wants to harm the other person either in a forceful way or passive aggressive manner.

When did culture shift? Society has shifted toward a more power stance over the other (neighbor). Individuals are starting to manipulate people to “teach them lessons”, instead of direct communication in a private setting. When did movies, television, newspapers, and even music shift toward a revenge stance? Culture needs to shift back to getting to the root issues, by having hard conversations with each other. Or else we are going down a very dark road, where we allow sinful behavior to veil our eyes, by building more walls of stone around our hearts.

Biblical Characters who manipulated:

  •   Jacob deceived Isaac to get the blessing Genesis 27

  • Delilah manipulated Samson to discover the secret of his strength Judges 16

Biblical Characters who resisted manipulation:

  • Joseph refused to compromise his integrity despite the betrayal he encountered Genesis 39:9

  • Paul warned against those who would twist the truth encouraging believers to rely on God’s word and Holy Spirit for discernment 1 Timothy 4:1-2

APPLICATIONS:

  1. Instead of going straight to assumptions about the person’s thoughts and feelings, get into a ‘wondering position’. Ask, “I wonder what you are thinking about…” or “I wonder what you feel about…”

  2. It is impossible to manipulate someone to change their behavior without seriously damaging the trust in the relationship you have with the other individual. Instead of manipulating and deceiving the individual, give them options of change behavior, and if that doesn’t work then they will have consequences for their actions. Individuals cannot change what they don’t know, and/or if you are unwilling to communicate with them.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31

Monday August 12, 2025

Written by: Molly Moon