Communication VS Manipulation

The last 4 years I have been questioning to what has been happening to me through interactions with certain individuals. My reality became a nightmare where I just wanted to hide away from everyone. Every time I met up with them, I would feel dread, anxiety, and fear. Every time I had a conversation, I would clench my jaw, get headaches, and by the end of the conversation when we would say goodbye, there would be a sigh of relief.

Recently, I found language to what was happening to me. It was all manipulation, gaslighting, and deceit to teach me (whatever they wanted to teach me). NO DIRECT COMMUNICATION!

Where in the world did culture shift into manipulating people to teach them “lessons,” instead of direct communication?!

Culture needs to shift back to getting to root issues by having hard conversations with each other. Or else we are going down a very dark road, where we allow sinful behavior to veil our eyes, by building more walls of stone all around our hearts.

Biblical Characters who manipulated:

§  Jacob deceived Isaac to get the blessing Genesis 27

§  Delilah manipulated Samson to discover the secret of his strength Judges 16

Biblical Characters who resisted manipulation:

§  Joseph refused to compromise his integrity despite the betrayal he encountered Genesis 39:9

§  Paul warned against those who would twist the truth encouraging believers to rely on God’s word and Holy Spirit for discernment 1 Timothy 4:1-2

Reflection Questions:

  1. Instead of going straight to assumptions about the person’s thoughts and feelings, get into a ‘wondering position’. Ask, “I wonder what you are thinking about…” or “I wonder what you feel about…”

  2. It is impossible to manipulate someone to change their behavior without seriously damaging the trust in the relationship you have with the other individual. Instead of manipulating and deceiving the individual, give them options of change behavior, and if that doesn’t work then they will have consequences for their actions. Individuals cannot change what they don’t know, and/or if you are unwilling to communicate with them.

Article Writer: Molly Moon